Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Crotch Sweat and Grunting (Things that make me go "Ew!" at the Gym)

Warning: If you are easily offended or grossed out, do not read this post.

To me gym etiquette seems pretty common sense, but it seems some people treat the gym like their own private home. I mean, it's cool that people feel all comfortable at the gym, but c'mon, let's remember that there are others around you to consider. I have seen some pretty disgusting/hilarious things at the gym so I complied a list of favorite I have either seen myself or heard about from friends.

1) Naked Shaver Lady
The gym I go to has a really nice locker room. In that really nice locker room are benches near the locker area where you sit to change your clothes, counter areas for washing hands, drying hair, applying make-up, and fairly roomy and private showers with benches in case you need to sit down or shave at one point during your shower.  Well, there's this lady that my friends and I call "Naked Shaver Lady". One would think that Naked Shaver Lady might shave in the shower...or at least near the sink to be near some water, right? Oh no! Naked shaver lady shaves in the locker area on the benches where people lay their nice clean clothes or sit down to tie their shoes. Did I mention that she is TOTALLY NAKED when she does this. Ladies, you know how you have to position yourself to shave your legs. Yes. She does this. totally. naked. ...and waterless. Ouch.

2) Body Odor
Now I'm not offended by the typical body odor that comes from a hard workout. I have been in races where we are all sweaty and smelly and packed like sardines. I have been in cars, full of my friends and I after running long and sweaty races. No, body odor does not offend me at all. I smell sweaty almost every single day.  What does offend me is people who will run next to me on the treadmill and smell like their momma never taught them to wipe after they went number two.It's one thing to smell like a diaper after a hard core workout, that happens to me too...but to smell like one before you even start??? To those people I want to say : " One little baby wipe can go a long way". Maybe I should start carrying them in my gym bag and handing them out...just kidding...I think.

3) Loud Grunting
Gentlemen. The loud, obnoxious, obvious grunting. Please. I understanding a little grunting, huffing, puffing, and straining, but when you sound like the Incredible Hulk when he is a little low on fiber, it's a bit disturbing. When I can hear you through my very loud music in my ear buds, it's way too much. It really is not necessary to grunt with every single bicep curl or chest press. So, unless you are lifting very heavy weight and you are on your last set, please grunt quietly.

4) Crotch Sweat
Sweat does not bother me. Like I said, I sweat all the time. My husband, friends, and I give each other sweaty hugs at the end of a race. Sometimes my friends and I will hug or high five in the middle of a workout...sweat and all.  What does bother me is stranger sweat. What bothers me more than that is stranger crotch sweat left on a machine I want to use.  Dude! I do not want to sit in a puddle of your crotch sweat. I also don't want to wipe it with my towel I brought along to wipe the sweat off of my face with.  Clean up your own crotch sweat. Note: When working out in the weight room, bring two towels. One for wiping the equipment, one for your face. Don't get them mixed up.

5) Drying Your Hair
As I mentioned in #1, the gym I belong to has hair dryers in the wall. These are provided to dry your hair...on your HEAD. Well, believe it or not, there was this lady using the hair dryers to blow dry her "other hair". I'm not even kidding. I do not even have words for this. I bring my own hair dryer now.

6) The Locker Room is not a Picnic Area
I have been know to scarf down a protein bar and wash it down with an electrolyte drink between workouts while sitting in the locker room. People do it all the time. Nothing wrong with that. But there are people who lay out their entire lunches on the benches where people sit (sometimes naked) and change their clothes. One time my triathlete friend Luly called me and told me that someone had a whole salad bar lined up on one of those benches.  That's so weird because not only is there a lounge area in the locker room, but there is also a cafe where you can bring your own food. Bet if they had seen Naked Shaver Lady there in the past, they would have never set up their picnic in that spot.

Do you have any funny gym stories???


  1. LOL! Oh the things I DO NOT miss about the gym ;) Some things never change huh?

  2. This is so hilarious! And traumatising. I work out at home and I think this just convinced me to keep doing so...especially so I can pass on viewing all the lady bits on show in the locker Perhaps you can put up a few post its of gym room etiquette? :)

  3. The first time I ever went to a gym I wad 18. Rebecca Rosenberg and I got a one month pass to "The Lexington Club". The very first time we were in the (crowded) locker room, post workout we had a jarring experience. We had showered, dressed and were fixing our hair in the mirror, discussing books we had recently read. A completly naked woman walked up to me and starting commenting on the book I mentioned. I was panicked! What? Where do I look? Wht is this buck naked woman joining our fully dressed conversation? Needless to say, I have no recollection of the book title, but Rebecca and I made a fast exit and I don't think I had another gym membership for many years!

    1. I hate that...soooo awkward. I never know where to keep my eyes.

  4. Just wanted to chime in and say I loved this post, and on the other hand I'm so sorry I read it because I was kind of thinking of joining a gym and now....